Now Get Ready For Some Real Fun
After 130 years in the grave “Bare Knuckle Boxing” makes an American comeback
June 02, 2018
Chronicle news & opinion
Bare knuckle fighters go at it in underground fights in England. Photos: Youtube. VICE video on underground BN fights in England.
By Rex D. Cain
(CHEYENNE, WY.) – If you happen to be the cynical type you could say this thing is the perfect metaphor for the age of Donald Trump.
In an age where fairly brutal Mixed Martial Arts fights are now huge Pay Per View events and America’s first ever (arguably) 24/7 combative, accusatory, uncivil, nasty-tempered, lying, misogynistic, race-baiting, Alt-Right coddling far right extremist President occupies the digs at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, it is only fitting that “bare knuckle” fighting makes a comeback in this country after 130 years.
What fun we’re gonna have now. Hey, perhaps it’s only a matter of time before a smiling Donald Trump does a White House photo-op with the Bare Knuckle Boxing Champ of the World.
After all, the Donald made a point of associating himself for a long time with “professional” wrestling (he even did a fake “fight” for the cameras one time) and big-time pro boxing when he owned casinos that hadn’t gone bankrupt yet. (Did we mention the Donald – America’s most brilliant businessman, just ask him, he’ll tell you – presided over six corporate bankruptcies ? How dumb a businessman do you have to be for that to happen?)
The timing is just right for more blood lust
Well folks, the perfect sport for this time in American history - bare-knuckle boxing, a sport last popular with blood-thirsty crowds in the 1800s in this country - makes its return to America tonight (Saturday) as a “sanctioned card” in, of all places, Cheyenne, Wyoming. (Are they really that hard up in Cheyenne for entertainment on a Saturday night? What ever happened to drunken cowboys getting in bar fights that spill out onto the street?)
Promoter David Feldman told reporters at a news conference - noting that it’s been a quarter century now since the advent of of the finest sport in the world for little kids to watch, UFC mixed martial arts - "We're hopefully leading the way to a new era in combat sports. I think it's what the public wants to see. The public is begging for something new.”
You bet it is pal and we predict you’re 100% right on that score. It’s been a long time since there’s been this much blood-lust, hate, discontent and divisiveness in the American air. The public (make that, mostly men) will eat this stuff up like rabid dogs on raw meat.
If this bare knuckle stuff ends up being something we can buy stock in, then we’re gonna buy a boat load as soon as the IPO launches because we can already see where this bad boy is headed. Oh yeah. We’re talkin’ crowd fun. Blood and guts and really busted up faces the likes of which we have not seen in well, over a hundred years.
A new event for the "modern age"
The event is scheduled for tonight at the Cheyenne Ice and Events Center in Wyoming which, by the way, is the first state to regulate and sanction bare-knuckle fighting in the modern age – if you can call right now the modern age. Some folks think this country has reverted back to the Dark Ages and that a good long dose of the Black Plague is not far behind.
Fighters will compete in five two-minute rounds in a boxing type ring with ropes. Too bad. We were hoping it would be in the dirt on some Wyoming rancher’s land. Nothing like seeing blood soaked dirt to make you hungry for a burger and beer later on. (This stuff is gonna be HUGE with the teenage to late 20’s male + too-much-testosterone-mixed-with-beer-and-weed crowd.)
Bare-knuckle fighting is similar to professional boxing in that there's a “standing eight count” and a three-knockdown rule. (If you get knocked down three times in a fight they figure it’s only a matter of time before you end up in a coma at the local hospital so they stop the fight because, you know, all the lawsuits after the fighter dies and all that bad press, etc.)
Oh. But get this one. “When you're in a clinch (meaning the fighters), you can hit with the open hand. You can pull the back of their (your opponent's) neck into punches so it gives a little bit more excitement in the clinches,” said Feldman.
So there you go. Ain’t it great?