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BREAKING NEWS

Three things you do not absolutely have to know today
March 10, 2018



Chronicle staff
News, opinion, superb analysis


(SEATTLE, WA.) -- With many a tear shed and many more to follow (not) the Seattle Seahawks released veteran and four time All Pro cornerback Richard Sherman Friday, in a not unexpected move.

That's because several NFL insiders went and spoiled the surprise for everybody by tweeting earlier this week that the Seahawks would cut ties with several key players including Sherman. (Some people just can't keep their pie holes shut about anything, can they?)

On Friday once the word busted out with the tweety-tweets, Sherman then tweeted out his work record. He also told a local radio station that "the team is allowing me to go into free agency." Well, wasn't that nice of the team? See? They were thinking about Richard's bests interests all the time there.

The Hawks also released CB Jeremy Lane. In any event, there will be much sorrow and the gnashing of teeth and all that because Richard gonna be gone but...we predict that with counseling they'll get over it.

DATELINE: Brooklyn, New York.....Big Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli (who's also a big fat baby) cried like a baby in a New York court room Friday when the former smug, glib drug firm executive who'd been found guilty of defrauding investors was sentenced to seven years in prison.

Oh boo-hoo. Little smart mouth Marty now gotta go to the big house and grow up as well as try to avoid the showers where 250-pound weight lifting lifers will be there smiling like Cheshire cats chomping at the bit to turn skinny, fair-skinned, soft little Marty into their next prison wife. (And you know what that means). By-by Marty. Have a swell time!

DATELINE: Olympia, Washington.....Washington state's brilliant (not) lawmakers could not pass one sensible bill this year dealing with bump stocks, assault weapons, tanks or bazookas. That's because they're all scared to death of the NRA Hit Squads.

You know, those guys dressed in all black who sneak into lawmakers bedrooms in the dead of night and with their bare hands squeeze the life out legislators all the while whispering in their ears:

"You punk! We told you we'd come for you if you tried to pass any meaningful laws about guns that just might prevent some kids in some school somewhere from getting their brains blown out all over the lunchroom walls thanks to some psycho with an AR-15 who's hearing voices in his head of God commanding him to get into the mass murder business. We told you punk but you wouldn't listen so now yer gonna die!"

God almighty. We regulate the crap out of driving and drivers who get behind the wheels of 6,000 pound killing machines, we regulate the crap out of how and when we pay our taxes, we regulate the crap out of buying a house or vacation home, we regulate the crap out of fishing and getting a fishing license in this state (just so's we can GO fishing) but we can't regulate anybody or anything having to do with an 8-pound hunk of metal with 30-round magazines deigned for nothing less than human killing. Geeeeezus. What a pathetic state of affairs.

Hey lawmakers. Get a clue you bozos. When the 2nd Amendment was written idiots didn't have AR-15's with bump stocks. Idiots had SINGLE SHOT BLACK POWDER MUSKETS THAT TOOK A VERY LONG TIME TO RELOAD. You get the picture pal?

Thank you for your attention to these three matters.





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