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Mon, September 24, 2018

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BREAKING NEWS

Bomb Squad Called Out On Suspicious Xmas Package Found At Coleman Ferry Dock
December 27, 2017



Chronicle news & expert found-package analysis

(SEATTLE, WA.) -- So here's the deal. On Tuesday morning Dec. 26th just after 10 am, Washington State Patrol K9 Troopers working the ferry terminal were notified of a suspicious package located in the pedestrian waiting area of the Coleman Dock Ferry Terminal in Seattle.

"The suspicious package was a wrapped present located underneath a Christmas tree in the terminal’s lobby," said WSP Trooper Heather Axtman. "The Christmas tree itself was a decoration, and there had not been any presents located under the tree during its time displayed. Furthermore, there was no address label on the box itself which was concerning for responding emergency personnel."

Uh-oh. Not a good sign in the age of terrorists, IED's, Boston bombers, psychotic Congressmen, mentally unstable Presidents and a few psychos who want to shoot up people in churches, schools and movie theaters.

So WSP troopers and State Ferry employees worked to evacuate the terminal out of an abundance of caution and all inbound ferries were held away from the terminal until the package could be "deemed safe."

The Seattle Police Department’s Bomb Squad responded to investigate the thing and "deemed it not to be a threat."

So the Coleman Ferry Terminal was reopened to both foot and vehicle traffic at approximately 10:50 am.

So. What was in the package? Fruitcake. The one cake that's handed out during the holidays that nobody in the family wants to eat.

You'll notice that no one ever walks into a supermarket and asks an employee, "Hey, where do you keep all that mouth watering, delicious fruitcake? I've been thinkin' about divin' into one all day long. Gonna buy five or six cakes to take home to the family because the kids just love them! They'd rather eat fruitcake than play video games or spend hours on their smartphones harassing other kids and telling them to commit suicide because nobody at school likes them."

Oddly, police didn't find and gift tag or card attached to the package so they don't know who that delicious, mouth watering fruitcake was for.

And that's all there was to that. So there you go.





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