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FEATURE NEWS

Just Another Day At The
Funky White House
Porn star sues President
of the United States

March 07, 2018




Porn star Stormy Daniels at the 2005 Adult Entertainment Expo. Photo by lukeisback.com (Creative Commons Att. 2.5 lic.)


Donald Trump: did he engage in steamy, sexy trysts with steamy, sexy Stormy?
Chronicle opinion
By Rex D. Cain


(WASHINGTON, D.C.) – Down the road a few years, when kids in school are reading the history of the first year of Donald Trump’s Presidency, they’ll be laughing so hard they’ll fall to the floor writhing and jerking about like mad men in the grips of strange conniption fits.

Many of the brighter children will say things like, “Stop it Miss Marples! You’re killin’ us here. You gotta be making this up. This stuff could not have happened in real life!”

And poor Miss Marples will say, “Sadly, yes children, it did happen. And America for four long years was the laughing stock of the free world. Particularly so when the porn star sued the President of the United States – better known back then as Captain Hairspray or, as Secretary of State Rex Tillerson once called him, The Moron.”

Did you ever, in your wildest most alcohol fueled moments or in the throes of a raging opioid addiction ever imagine you would see the day when a porn star filed a lawsuit against the President of the United States?

Let us pause now to pray for an America that is gone and that is also close to hitting rock bottom on so many fronts and in so many ways.

“Dear God…….” (fill in the rest with your own words)

So what exactly is it that porn star Stormy “The Money Shot” Daniels (real name Stephanie Clifford, which doesn’t sound nearly as sexy as Stormy) wants from Donald “Hey, No Chaos Here!” Trump?

What Stormy wants

Little Stormy, the steamy sex star who says she was paid to keep her trap shut about her alleged bedroom romps with Donald Trump, filed a lawsuit in Los Angeles Superior Court.

What she wants is for the court to declare her nondisclosure agreement about the Big Love with Trump (signed before the 2016 election) void, kaput, done, over with because Trump did not sign it.

And why is it important to Stormy that document be declared void? Because once it is, Money Shot is free to make a hump-load of BIG money selling her steamy story about steamy nights with Big Donnie to the tabloids and possibly to Hollywood for the movie rights. (Personally we think actor Alec Baldwin should play Trump in the movie because he does such a swell job on Saturday Night Live with those impersonations of Trump.)

If she plays her cards right, ol’ Money Shot could make a hundred times more dough than she made in all those years bumpin’ and grindin’ in front of the cameras with guys who were hung like race horses. (By the way, real life guys are not hung like race horses. Those porn guys have operations to make their Johnsons really, really big. Lot of people don't know that.)

Hey, just the worldwide speaking engagement/TV appearance rights on this deal are worth about $5 million alone.

Money shot had wanted to go public all along

So, in the lawsuit Sexy Stormy says she had wanted to go public with the steamy story of steamy nights with Donnie in the weeks leading up to the election but, well, she could not because of that keep-yer-mouth-shut thing she signed for a lousy $130,000.

Chump change compared to what she could make today telling stories about steamy nights with steamy Donnie.

At any rate, the story is that Trump’s lawyer, Michael Cohen, and Daniels’s attorney at the time, Keith Davidson, negotiated what the lawsuit calls a “hush agreement” in which she would be paid that paltry $130,000.

She gets paid 12 days before the election takes place, according to emails reviewed by that enemy of the people, that fake-funky news outfit The Washington Post. (Trump has a huge Jones on for the Post. He can't stand that paper because the Post, unlike Fox Fixed News prints stuff that New York Donnie hates.)

Cohen says he paid Sexy Stormy out of his own pocket without even being asked by Donnie to do so because he, Cohen, is such a swell guy and wants to do good in the world. You know, sorta like a Catholic priest or those goofballs called The Religious Right that are so in love with Trump, only in a different way than Stormy was in luv (and doin’ luv) with Trump.

So now, we get to the real meat of this thing. The Washington Post (that rag Trump hates) said, “The lawsuit suggests that Trump was aware of the agreement and that the money was intended to influence the election’s outcome. That intimation bolsters two complaints filed with the Federal Election Commission that say the payment violated election law because it was not reported as an in-kind campaign donation.”

Uh-oh. Looks like somebody’s in a heap of trouble over this $130,000 porn-star payout thing. Someone did a no-no.

Stormy says they tried to silence her

The lawsuit claims New York Donnie, “With the assistance of his attorney, Mr. Cohen, aggressively sought to silence Ms. Clifford as part of an effort to avoid her telling the truth, thus helping to ensure he won the presidential election.” 

Now, for his part Cohen (the guy who just wants to do good, like Mother Teresa and Gandhi) has denied that the payment ran afoul of campaign finance law.

But the lawsuit, says the Post story “Raises new accusations against Cohen, saying that “through intimidation and coercive tactics,” he caused Daniels this year to sign a statement denying the affair. The suit says Cohen has continued to try to “intimidate” Daniels into keeping quiet in recent weeks as reports about the deal and Daniels’s relationship with Trump have leaked out and Daniels has given television interviews.”

So there you go kids. Just another day in the tee-vee watching, golf playing saga of the hairspray king of America, New York Donnie Trump.





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