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FEATURE NEWS

Beware Those Little Devils Trying To Separate You From Your Money
January 31, 2018



Chronicle news-analysis-expert crime analysis
By Rex D. Cain


(EVERETT, WA.) – It’s getting so bad these days what with all the schemers and scammers and evildoers of all stripes that you can’t trust anyone except your grandmother – and even then, you’d only want to trust granny on those days when you’re positive she’s been taking her meds.

And just take a look at the terrible scams being run in Washington, DC. these days by people we elected. On second thought, scratch that one. You’ll lose your dinner in a hail of regurgatory excess by paying attention to what’s going on there. State of the union? It’s a mess. A total disaster. Film at eleven.

Besides, the fact of the matter is we’ve got enough bad actors here locally to last us until the Antichrist arrives -- if he hasn't already in the form of you-know-who.

The Snohomish County Sheriff’s Office says there’s a couple scams making the rounds these days that we should all be aware of. And neither one of these is brand new. Scammers just recycle this stuff in new wrappers and new names, like politicians do with lies.

Scam #1: The “Captain Miller” caper. A "Capt. Miller" rings you up on the telly to, in essence bully you over the phone into paying money to have a warrant "lifted" for missing jury duty.

That whole deal is a crock of monkey dung encased in mule poop. “While we do have a Capt. Miller in our employ, neither he nor any other bona fide law enforcement or court personnel will call you to demand money over the phone,” said a finely polished statement from the sheriff’s office.

Look, if you’re worried about a warrant being out there for you, you can check from the comfort of your very own crib to see if you have any outstandings by going online. Simple as that.

You can find anything online these days. There was a guy recently who found a hooker online who agreed to come to his place all dressed up like a circus clown and slinging under her well toned arms a hot pizza and cold beer as she waltzed through his front door.

That’s a special order of course. It’s called “The Lunch N’ Lay” and it’s the fifth item down on the menu on that famous website that has all the “classified” ads (wink-wink).

Scam #2: "The Fundraising Center” is soliciting funds to support the Snohomish County Sheriff's Office. The calls come from 323-486-0115. Here’s what the S.O. (short for sheriff’s office) says about that: “We do not have a non-profit organization in our name and members of our agency will never solicit funds to "help keep the agency afloat" (as one scammer said). If you receive a call similar to these, hang up immediately.”

So there you go. You can’t get better advice than that. Hang the freakin’ phone up.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.





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